This could be the best job ever.

I've been in China for just over a month now and I absolutely love it. Even the teaching part.  Especially the teaching part – and I'm very glad, because I didn't really expect that.

I thought I'd come here, travel, learn Chinese, and wait for the economy to get better before I found a "real" job. Imagine my surprise to discover that teaching English abroad is not only a real job, but also a job that I really enjoy!

Teaching is just the right challenge for me at the moment. It's fun, different every day, always a challenge, and requires you to be creative, spontaneous and flexible. It's helping me with my confidence in public speaking, teaching me to listen better, and given me the ability to laugh at just about any situation.

The students are fantastic and adorable. It's impossible to be in a bad mood around them. They tell me I'm beautiful, run up to hug me in the halls between classes, and bring me gifts. I get to play Simon Says, talk about celebrities, and sing songs. It's so cool to see the moment when a student understands what you are talking about.

On the other hand, one of my classes either doesn't understand a freaking thing that I'm saying, or they were sent from a hell dimension to torture me. This class (the only naughty class) spends the whole 40-minute class yelling, throwing books, paper, pens, anything really, and blatantly ignoring everything that I have to say. Desks have been flipped over. But one out of 18 isn't so bad. They were better this week after I yelled at them last week.

I teach for 18 hours a week. I spend another 2 doing things for the school (like correcting grammar and such on things that have been translated into English, judging English contests, etc.). I have plenty of time to create lesson plans, read, study Chinese, and travel on the weekends.

If you're considering teaching abroad, do it. You won't regret it.

I Have A Dream!!!

Today I got to judge an English contest along with Peter and Connor, the two other foreign English teachers at my school.

Just over fifty 8^th grade students are competing for the opportunity to spend the summer in either Australia or the USA. The competition consisted of one-minute speeches (in English) on any topic, an exam, and a talent competition. Less than 20 students actually get to go, so my scores on their speeches were very important—quite the responsibility.

I thought it was going to be a boring afternoon, but I actually really enjoyed it. The speeches were adorable. ADORABLE. I wish I could have video taped them. And some of them were really good. They ranged from short "About Me" speeches to impassioned pleas to save the whales, littered with subtle political undertones; this kid was really pissed at the Japanese whaling industry. Most of the kids were really impressive. They want to save the environment, meet Kobe Bryant, become doctors and economists. Some also either wanted to escape their parents or were forced into competing by their parents.

They quoted Martin Luther King. And Eleanor Roosevelt; "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Seriously.  And a lot of old English proverbs— a friend in need is a friend in deed, all that glitters is not gold, knowledge is power. I wish I could remember them all... and ask where they learned them.

They told jokes. What kind of table grows in a field? A vegetable.

One student told us the key to happiness – help poor people, help elderly people to cross the street, and learn English.

Now imagine all of this coming from shy 14 year-olds with strong Chinese accents.

It was precious.

How to meet Expats and English Speakers in Rural China

Starbucks is going to be my saving grace this year. It is a glorious refuge of familiarity in a very unfamiliar environment. The prices are about the same as they are in the US, so it's super expensive for China, but the coffee is delicious, wireless internet is free, and it's only a few blocks from my apartment.

It also seems to be a gathering place for expats looking for a taste of home and Chinese people who speak English. On my first trip to Starbucks in China I met 4 out of the 5 "village foreigners", talked to three locals, and was able to order a Grande Caramel Macchiato without having to point or mime. It was a beautiful moment. And all I had to do to meet people was order a coffee and sit down at a table. Every time I go I make new friends.

Foreigners are not really that common in China, so all you have to do to find other foreigners is seek out a Starbucks (or other western restaurant/bar) and sit down for a minute. They will come to you.

On a side note, I feel like in the USA, you always hear how McDonalds is EVERYWHERE. Not true. There is no McDonalds here, but there are about 5 KFC's. Chinese people love them some chicken sandwiches, aka hamburgers—actual hamburgers are nowhere to be found. I've also seen a Pizza Hut, but apparently it's fine dining, so I'll save it for a special occasion.

Mastering the Squat Toilet.

The squat toilet (aka squatty potty), barely even a toilet at all to anyone from the USA, is basically a hole in the ground that you squat over and do your business. The really fancy ones have a flush, just like a western toilet, but if you're in a really rustic place, there's a bucket full of water next to the toilet to help you "flush." If you're lucky you'll have a private stall with a door. You're not always lucky… doors are a luxury, as are separate restrooms for men and women.

If you visit China you'll probably get the opportunity to use one.

This is probably too much information but I try to avoid pooping in squat toilets. However, sometimes you just can't avoid it. Chinese food can have an interesting and unpredictable effect on an American stomach. When nature calls and all that…

Jeff Foxworthy has a joke that goes something like; "The only thing worse than having diarrhea, is trying to have to have it quietly in a public place."

He's obviously never had a bathroom emergency in China.

Thus, I offer the following advice on how to squat like a pro:

1.    Bring your own toilet paper. I now carry little packs of tissues in each of my purses and in the pocket of my coat. Free toilet paper is not often found in the squatty potty.

2.    Squat over the hole with your heels flat on the ground. You want a stable position.

3.    Hold your pants to the front so you don't accidentally poop or pee on them. Be careful if you have stuff in your pockets – things tend to fall out when you squat. Trust me, you're not going to want to reach in after it.

4.    Wipe and throw the paper into the trash can, not the toilet.

5.    Flush. Push the handle, pull the string, pour some water down the hole.

If you complete the experience without falling, touching the floor of the bathroom, peeing on yourself, or any other mishaps, consider yourself successful.

Green Beer in Shanghai.

This weekend I got the opportunity to go to Shanghai with my fellow village English Teachers to celebrate St. Patrick's day. Ironically, we all went except the Irish guy.

Shanghai is around a 2 hour bus ride from our village and it only costs around $7 USD. We left Saturday morning around 11… Our bus driver got a bit lost. The best I could understand was that there is some type of construction on the usual road and he didn't know the detour. We ended up on a dead end street in an impoverished residential area and the bus almost got stuck. We definitely hit a few poles trying to turn the bus around. Oops.

 

We finally made it to Shanghai and checked into our hotel around 2. We grabbed some dumplings on the street and headed off to the pub-crawl. It was crazy. The Pub Crawl Started around 3 pm at a bar called O'Malleys. It was flooded with expats of all ages, other foreign teachers, and college students studying abroad. There are 1 million expats in Shanghai and most of them were all at this pub-crawl.

I had a great time – drank some green beer, met some fun people, spoke English (and people understood me!), and got another chance to see a bit of Shanghai. I also surprisingly ran into an acquaintance of mine from college. In a city of 25 million people, I managed to see someone who went to a college with only 2,000 undergrad students. Crazy small world.

My jacket is still covered with green glitter and face paint…

My Fellow Village English Teachers Peter and Howie

If It Has a Red Stamp, It’s Official.

In the USA, police officers carry a badge and a gun and are most often male. In China, they tend to be women carrying a rubber stamp and a boatload of red ink. At least that's what it seems like to me.

Today I had to go to the police station to apply for my residency permit, now that my health check and foreign experts certificate have cleared. Going to the police station in China doesn't really carry the same connotations that it does in the USA.

Here the police station is really like a huge government building. It's where you go to pay taxes, get your passport and drivers license, register in town, and find a job! It's one stop shopping for Chinese public services.

I walked into the building past the job line. From how it was explained to me, it seems less like an unemployment office and more like a head-hunter – apparently you go there to register as unemployed, tell them what type of job you are looking for and they basically assign you a job. There is still an interview/hiring process that is left up to the company, but this government service will actually find you a job.

I had to go up to the 4^th floor to process my paperwork. I filled out a few standard forms… name, birthday, passport number… but they also made me fill out a form that asked about my resume, hobbies, and family members. Why the Chinese government would care that I have a little brother named Jeff and that I like to read and SCUBA dive is beyond me.

I sat in a chair for 20 minutes while the police officer flipped though my residency paperwork and stamped everything with a red stamp. She stamped about 1,000 pieces of paper. Passport copies, health forms, foreign expert card, and hundreds of pages that had nothing but Chinese writing and red stamps.

They love to red stamp things here in China. Restaurant receipts. Grocery store receipts. Taxi receipts. And all government documents. They stamped the shit out of those papers.

Also, they actually keep track of foreigners here in China. When you give a hotel your passport to check in, it's more than a formality. You are entered into "the system." They knew at the police station in Haimen at 8:30 on Monday morning, that I checked into a hotel in Shanghai on Saturday night. Very interesting.

I should have my passport back with my residency permit by next week. I will be an official and legal resident of China.

It's the Small Victories that Make the Most Difference.

I had a great personal victory today! I finally figured out how to get all of the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair in the shower!!

The secret to my success?

Take the hand held shower nozzle and place it in a bucket on the floor of the shower. Allow it to fill with water. Do not attempt to use the shower head to shower. It is not effective. Use a plastic drinking glass to rinse my hair by the cupful. Use a lot of shampoo, but very little conditioner. Rinse hair with at least 6 cups full of water.

Great success!!! My hair is shiny and clean feeling  for the first time since I moved in!! Yay! Best shower EVER!!

International Women’s Day

International Women's Day was March 8^th.  My guess is that you missed it. Even 'holidays' like Earth Day tend to blow up your Facebook newsfeed with well wishes or at least a few sarcastic comments. I didn't see even one status about Women's Day.

In China, International Women's Day is a big deal—it's regarded as a public holiday. Not important enough to get the day off, but important enough to offer huge discounts at shopping malls and to mention at school. Hundreds of kids wished me a Happy Women's Day. I got presents and candy from people I don't know. I'm a fan.

Even some of the male foreign teachers got wished a Happy Women's Day.

A Day in the Life of a Foreign English Teacher in China.

So I've had a few people ask me what I do on a typical day here.

6:00 am: Wake up to loud honking on the streets. Turn heater back on (it shuts off when the power goes out, which is often) and put on headphones and classical music playlist to go back to sleep.

8:00 am: Wake up. Make some tea or instant coffee with my electric kettle. Shower. Note –  I can only wash my hair at night or on days when I don't have class until the afternoon because it takes so long with my ghetto shower and plastic cup.

9:00 am: Read, Study Chinese. Surf the internet. Work on lesson plans.

11:15 am: Lunch. Try to arrive a bit early to beat out the 2,500 students that literally RUN into the cafeteria. Point at random dishes and pray for something edible with as few bones as possible. Sit down awkwardly at a table and try to make small talk with my Chinese coworkers, most who do not speak English.

* On a side note, yesterday I had lunch with the principal of the school. She speaks very little English but is VERY nice. I only learned that she was the principal towards the end of the meal. We then went for a lovely walk around campus and she took me to her office and fed me chocolates.

12:00 pm: If it's sunny, walk around outside and enjoy the weather and the blatant stares from people.

1:00 – 5:00 pm: Teach class. Sing songs, play Simon Says, mime English words, and generally make a fool out of myself for 40 minute intervals in front of hundreds of Chinese children.

* On Monday I have 3 classes, Tuesday 1, Wednesday 4, and Thursday and Friday, 5 classes.

5:00 pm: Dinner. Basically a repeat of lunch, though I usually get to eat with the other 'village foreigners'. Order using the "point and pray" method.

6:00 pm: Stroll through the village. There's not really a whole lot to do around here so after dinner I usually take a walk around town to check things out. Sometimes I'll visit the supermarket to pick up a diet coke, a beer, or a bottle of China's finest "Great Wall" wine to enjoy with the guys that live next to me.

9:00 pm: Read some more. Skype Mom and Dad. Watch a movie. Go to bed early.

All in all, it's a pretty stress free schedule.

Don’t forget to exercise your eyes.

So everyday at the beginning of my 2:10 class, students have to exercise their eyes. YouTube "Chinese Eye Exercises" for clarification. At the beginning of class, a loudspeaker comes on and the whole school closes their eyes and does a series of "exercises" to a child like voice and some peaceful elevator music. It really caught me off guard the first day… I was just about to introduce myself when the kids take off their glasses and start methodically rubbing their eyes. Hmmm… Now after a few days I just feel a bit awkward sitting there for 5 minutes watching it. There's always a class monitor who gets the enjoyment of walking around the classroom poking any students who aren't participating.

I finally gave in today and asked what they were doing. By massaging the acupuncture points around the eyes, the exercises are designed to increase circulation. Apparently they are said to reduce stress and strain on the eyes. A whopping 76% of elementary students in China are already nearsighted, so I guess this is a measure to try to counteract that… Interesting.

Walk at Your Own Risk

Not getting hit by a bus here is a fairly serious undertaking. If a bus doesn't get you, a car, a taxi, a bicycle, a wheelbarrow, or a scooter with a family of five riding it might. When I walk anywhere, I honestly have to stay focused enough to not get into a wreck.  The sidewalks are just as dangerous as the streets. Cars and scooters park randomly on the sidewalk and back up or drive forward without warning (and likely without looking to see if anything is in the way).

In fact there might as well not even be sidewalks. Or lanes. Or traffic lights. In China, those things are all just rough guidelines. You can basically drive wherever you want, whenever you want, with no regard for the flow of traffic. Pull into oncoming traffic? Sure. Why not? All you need here is a horn. It's a free-for-all.

People drive around blasting their horns indiscriminately at everything on the road, at all hours of the day. I've interpreted honking to mean anything from, "Here I am! Just letting you know I'm back here!" to "Get out of the way before I run you over."

I thought about wandering about town with my iPod in, but after a bit of consideration, I figure it's a very bad idea. I wouldn't want to get to distracted and run over.

The Medical Assembly Line

This morning I had to go to Nantong (the closest big city) to get my Chinese medical exam done to get my residency permit. And yes, I did just go through the exact same thing in the United States before I left. But the Chinese government, actually, governments in general, seem to be big on redundancy.

It was definitely one of the top 10 weirdest experiences of my life. Generally speaking, I'm not a huge fan of being poked and prodded. But if it absolutely must happen, I prefer to have a detailed description and explanation of what is going to happen, and why, before said poke. Being that I'm in China, where they speak Chinese, and my current vocabulary only extends to greetings, colors, numbers, and food, I was pretty much out of luck in the explanation department.

This is basically what my morning looked like:

I arrived at the Jiangsu International Travel Healthcare Center around 10:00 and my coworker and I stood around awkwardly, being stared at like circus freaks, while our liaison filled out our paperwork. Then we headed upstairs to the exam rooms. We had eight objectives - blood test, x-ray, ultrasound, vision, pee in a cup, ear/nose/throat, dental, height and weight, and EKG.

The best way to describe what happened next was an assembly line of medical exams (with the word line used loosely). Do you remember in elementary school when there would be a Halloween party and all of the different classrooms came up with a special activity, and then you roamed the halls darting in and out of each room? That's EXACTLY what this was like.

The blood test came first, and was a little scary due to its brevity. We stood in line, then stuck our arm through a window, like a drive through, where it was summarily tied up, stuck, and cotton-balled. Then you were quickly shooed off so the next person could sit down (I checked to be sure about the needle disposal, I promise).

After that, there was a lot of running around. I'd come out of one exam room, and my liaison would holler, "JULIE! HERE!" and I'd scamper across the hall to try to beat out the other people competing for the room. There was no privacy or doors, just rooms with a Chinese 'doctor' at a desk and a chair or bed for the patients. Everybody was running around and giggling and staring at the white people. It was a little bit like an obstacle course combined with a scavenger hunt, trying to get your medical form filled out the fastest.

Dental involved opening my mouth for a guy who glanced inside, grunted, "good," and shooed me out the door. Vision was an eye test where I'm not sure she even wrote down my answers. Ear/nose/throat involved having each of my nostrils lifted briefly before being gestured out. The EKG was a little freaky, since it involved approximately 1,000 sensors on suction cups, most of which wound up in awkward positions in and around my cleavage, plus clamps on my wrists and legs, and a paintbrush that was wet with what I hope was water.

Then I got to pee in a tiny plastic cup, in a bathroom with only squat toilet stalls with NO DOORS, and then carry the cup through the busy hallway without spilling it. The cup was then left on top of a piece of paper, presumably with my information on it, on a long folding table covered with hundreds of pieces of paper and little cups of pee.  Not very secure… It would be easy to switch your pee with someone else's if you knew something was wrong with it. Also, Chinese people need to drink more water. There was some freakishly dark pee in there.

The X-rays and ultrasound were unremarkable, which was a little disappointing—I thought they would definitely be weirder. Finally I stood on a scale and got my blood pressure taken, and that was that.

The whole thing was over in less than half an hour.  I wish I could have taken pictures.

“Oh, by the way, there’s no textbook for this class.”

Surprise! I get to create my own curriculum that will entertain huge classes full of hyperactive 7^th graders for 40 minutes. The foreign language department basically said something to the effect of "You're teaching Spoken English. Go."  It is assumed that because I speak English I will figure it out.

Potential Problems with this situation:

1.    I don't know the level of English of my students or what they have covered in previous oral English courses (or if they have even had previous oral English courses). I'm under the impression that they are all at significantly different levels.

2.    Super large class size eliminates a lot of games.

3.    7^th Graders are easily bored.

4.    I don't really know what I'm doing!?!?!? Ahhhhhh!!!

But no worries. I'll figure it out. I think I'm going to do the human body next week. I will be singing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' a cappella. It's going to be a beautiful moment. I was also considering doing the Hokey Pokey.

I could really use some help though!! Lesson plan ideas and games to play with 50 kids would be appreciated.

Is This Real Life?

I'm sitting in Starbucks in Haimen China. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is playing in the background (It's March). I just signed 'autographs' for 50 Chinese children. This feels like some kind of bizarre dream.

 

I had my first classes this week. I have 18 classes each week that last for 40 minutes. Each class has about 50 students aged 13-16, all at varying levels of English. I have each class once per week. For those of you who are bad at math, that means that I have around 900 students.

 

Class has been very entertaining so far. For my first week of classes, I introduced myself, asked the kids to introduce themselves, and then let the kids ask me questions.

 

A typical introduction was:

 

"Hello. My name is Xia Lu Ren. My English Name is Benny. I am 14 years old. I like playing computer games best. I am very happy to meet you."

 

"Hello. Thank you for coming to China. My English name is Evian. I like purple best. I like Justin Bieber. I hope we can be good friends."

 

Favorite so far. "Hello. My English name is Bruce Lee. I am fat because I like to eat food but I don't like running."

 

You can totally tell who the trouble-makers are, because whenever they stand up to speak, the whole class laughs… In general though, the kids are pretty shy and speak very quietly. For a lot of my students, this is the first interaction that they have ever had with a foreigner, so the kids had lots of questions for me too.

 

Just about all of them wanted to know if I had a boyfriend, if I like KFC, if I like Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga, and if "all Americans are as beautiful as I am." (Loved that one… Thanks for the ego boost kids!)

 

I have a feeling my classes are going to be very amusing.

(The pictures are of my time table of classes, the school buildings, and one of my classes.)

Cribs: China

Here's a little about where I am living. Basically, I'm living in a dorm. I'm on the 6^th floor of a building at the school. There is no elevator (I'm gonna be in great shape by the end of the year!!!) I have my own room with a bed, desk, armoire, television, and private bathroom. There is a shared room for all the foreign teachers that has a washing machine and small kitchen area. Currently there are three other teachers living here—two American guys and one Irish guy, and there are rumors of another 60 year old lady from the USA coming to join us soon.

My room is clean and has heat and air-conditioning (yay!), but the rest of the school doesn't. My TV gets two fuzzy Chinese channels. The bathroom is small and… interesting.

Fun facts about bathrooms in China:

-  Even if the toilet is Western style, you can't flush toilet paper.

-  There's no water pressure on the 6^th floor, so the water drips verrrrrryyyy slooooowwwllllllllyyy out of the showerhead. I have to fill up a plastic cup with water to rinse all the shampoo and conditioner out of my hair.

-  Shower stalls are unheard of… I have a drain in the middle of the floor, and I bought a mop/squeegee to clean up the floor after I shower.

-  Heat lamps help to keep you warm while you shower (in theory)

 

When I first moved in shower in my bathroom wasn't working. For the first three days I had to improvise showers using a plastic bowl thingy and water that I heated in my electric kettle.  Now that it's fixed, it's not much better.

I think I'm going to have to get creative in terms of personal hygiene this year.

This is Legit China.

Pulling into Haimen, China, was a little overwhelming. Shanghai is full of westerners (with over 1 million expats), English menus, and huge skyscrapers.

Haimen is nothing like Shanghai. Although this is a city of 1 million, it feels quite a bit smaller and much more isolated. There is an obvious disparity between rich and poor. The streets are lined with a mixture of new high rises, older mid rise buildings, and small brick 'houses'. And there are no westerners.

As I was wandering around town, people were staring at me like I was a freaking celebrity. At least 100 Chinese people have a picture of me on their phones, and I've only been here 2 days. Seriously.

I did some shopping for necessities in Auchon, basically a Chinese version of Target, and people would come up to me and look into my shopping cart to see what I was buying. Then they'd walk away and whisper to their shopping partners.

I can imagine the fascinating conversation:

"Look! A white person!"

"What's she doing here?"

"No idea, but she's buying toilet paper, a hairdryer, and a pink blanket."

"Cool. Get a picture."

 

I admit I was wondering what I got myself into when I was wandering around. I'm definitely experiencing culture shock to a degree that I've never experienced. I'm basically alone in a small town in China, I don't speak Chinese, and it's freaking freezing here.

I was almost about to panic, but then I found the Starbucks, and I knew I'd be fine.

The Not-so-Great Wall

I knew before I got to China that I was going to have trouble accessing a significant part of the Internet. According to Wikipedia, there are about 2600 blocked URLs in China, ironically, including most of Wikipedia.

Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Tumblr, Blogger, uncensored news sources, and websites dealing with human rights, Tibet, Taiwan, Amnesty International, the Nobel Peace Prize, and Falun Gong are blocked.

I don't have access to this blog.

Luckily, I found a way to e-mail posts, but I have no way to know if it is working, what the posts look like, or if the pictures are showing up. So if the blog looks funny or there are random errors or something, I have no way of fixing it. Sorry.

China also doesn't seem to like anything to do with Google so access my e-mail is a little sketchy. Skype seems to work most of the time. Feel free to Skype me @ jjohnson4249.

I thought I was being clever by purchasing a VPN before I left, which in theory re-routes the IP address of my computer in China to an IP address in another country, thus allowing me to bypass the firewall. Apparently, China is catching on to this, and my VPN doesn't work. Bummer.

Bottom line: One of the things that we take for granted in the USA is the ability to access information. I didn't realize how dependent I was on Facebook and YouTube until I didn't have access to them.

Shanghai Pictures

 

Here are the photos that were supposed to accompany the Shanghai Blog.

Ni hao from Shanghai!

Shanghai is absolutely beautiful—although, I'm not really sure I can be objective at this point … after a 15-hour flight in coach, any landmass would be freaking beautiful.

                                

The flight actually wasn't that bad. I got lucky and the back of the plane was pretty empty so I had an entire row to myself. I arrived safely, cleared customs, and successfully lugged my 1,000 pounds of luggage to the hotel. I spent four days in Shanghai for orientation, which consisted of CIEE (The Council for International Exchange, the program I found the job through) trying to teach me enough Mandarin, Chinese etiquette, and teaching skills to survive for the next year. I also got to spend some time doing the tourist thing, seeing the city.

Some of the highlights:

-       Bian lian "Mask Changing" show in which performers wear crazy costumes and dance to dramatic music all while changing the vividly colored masks which they change within a fraction of a second. Check it out on you tube. It was pretty awesome and the picture doesn't quite do it justice.

                                       

-       The Bund, a waterfront area along the Huangpu River in central Shanghai. Home to some pretty spectacular architecture.

                                      

-       Wandering through the art district. Check out this gem of a purse that I found. Even the Chinese think that Obama's a Communist.

                        

-       Delicious food. Tried lots of great new things (and some not so great). The best thing, and my new favorite food, was ba si ping guo. It's a highly addictive plate of extremely hot, possibly fried, apples drizzled with caramelized sugar, that you must eat while it's hot otherwise it glues itself to the plate and gets pretty tough to eat. Once it is served, you take the apple pieces and dip them into ice water; the outside gets really crunchy, but the inside stays super hot and delicious.