F*%& Y@^

One of my favorite students, a gregarious trouble-maker who calls himself "The Rock" after WWE Wrestler and wannabe actor Dwayne Johnson, has learned a lovely new phrase in English. "F*** You." Fantastic.

Indubitably with the best of intentions, as knowledge should always be shared, he saw fit to teach this phrase a good portion of the class.

"The Rock" sits on one side of the classroom and his best friend sits on the other; I'm confident their homeroom teacher separated them for a reason, but that's neither here nor there…

Today we played a game with teams. With the class divided into two teams this threw the Rock and his buddy into a spirited rivalry both for my attention and to win the game. Competition naturally brings out the best in people.

This is how I came to have a class of 7^th graders playfully yelling "F*** You" at each other when the other team scored a point or seemed to have any sort of advantage. Charming.

But that's not all. Not all of the students were privy to this new information. During my shocked moment of hesitation as I desperately tried to think of a way to get teenaged boys to stop practicing their new vocabulary, (while simultaneously thinking, "At least they're speaking English?"), a shy girl in the front asks,

"What means f*** you?"

"Ummm…. that is a very bad word. You really shouldn't say that. It's very naughty."

I don't think I was all that convincing through my suppressed laughter. Clearly I'm not much of a disciplinarian… I probably need to work on that.

Do you have a rubber?

Saturday is my birthday, so today in class I was shamelessly fishing for my students to sing me happy birthday or make me cards, so I made sure to tell all of my classes. I explained that I'm going to have a party and go out for pizza and drinks with my friends.

So just after that explanation, a sweet, shy, 13 year old boy asked me, "Do you have a rubber?"

I just about went into heart failure. I must have looked confused or shocked or something odd because a girl a few rows over held up an eraser.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! British English. Translation: "Do you have an eraser?" Gotcha.

He was drawing me a Birthday card and needed to erase something.

The English books that the students have here are all of the British English variety. It's been hard to train myself to say cinema and film instead of movies, football instead of soccer, etc, so that the kids will understand me.

I think they are starting to pick up on some of my Americanisms though. Already I've got a bunch of them mimicking my speech patterns (because I'm just so cool!).

By the end of the year I'll have an army of 900 Chinese teenagers speaking just like me.

I'm drunk with power.

This could be the best job ever.

I've been in China for just over a month now and I absolutely love it. Even the teaching part.  Especially the teaching part – and I'm very glad, because I didn't really expect that.

I thought I'd come here, travel, learn Chinese, and wait for the economy to get better before I found a "real" job. Imagine my surprise to discover that teaching English abroad is not only a real job, but also a job that I really enjoy!

Teaching is just the right challenge for me at the moment. It's fun, different every day, always a challenge, and requires you to be creative, spontaneous and flexible. It's helping me with my confidence in public speaking, teaching me to listen better, and given me the ability to laugh at just about any situation.

The students are fantastic and adorable. It's impossible to be in a bad mood around them. They tell me I'm beautiful, run up to hug me in the halls between classes, and bring me gifts. I get to play Simon Says, talk about celebrities, and sing songs. It's so cool to see the moment when a student understands what you are talking about.

On the other hand, one of my classes either doesn't understand a freaking thing that I'm saying, or they were sent from a hell dimension to torture me. This class (the only naughty class) spends the whole 40-minute class yelling, throwing books, paper, pens, anything really, and blatantly ignoring everything that I have to say. Desks have been flipped over. But one out of 18 isn't so bad. They were better this week after I yelled at them last week.

I teach for 18 hours a week. I spend another 2 doing things for the school (like correcting grammar and such on things that have been translated into English, judging English contests, etc.). I have plenty of time to create lesson plans, read, study Chinese, and travel on the weekends.

If you're considering teaching abroad, do it. You won't regret it.

I Have A Dream!!!

Today I got to judge an English contest along with Peter and Connor, the two other foreign English teachers at my school.

Just over fifty 8^th grade students are competing for the opportunity to spend the summer in either Australia or the USA. The competition consisted of one-minute speeches (in English) on any topic, an exam, and a talent competition. Less than 20 students actually get to go, so my scores on their speeches were very important—quite the responsibility.

I thought it was going to be a boring afternoon, but I actually really enjoyed it. The speeches were adorable. ADORABLE. I wish I could have video taped them. And some of them were really good. They ranged from short "About Me" speeches to impassioned pleas to save the whales, littered with subtle political undertones; this kid was really pissed at the Japanese whaling industry. Most of the kids were really impressive. They want to save the environment, meet Kobe Bryant, become doctors and economists. Some also either wanted to escape their parents or were forced into competing by their parents.

They quoted Martin Luther King. And Eleanor Roosevelt; "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." Seriously.  And a lot of old English proverbs— a friend in need is a friend in deed, all that glitters is not gold, knowledge is power. I wish I could remember them all... and ask where they learned them.

They told jokes. What kind of table grows in a field? A vegetable.

One student told us the key to happiness – help poor people, help elderly people to cross the street, and learn English.

Now imagine all of this coming from shy 14 year-olds with strong Chinese accents.

It was precious.

A Day in the Life of a Foreign English Teacher in China.

So I've had a few people ask me what I do on a typical day here.

6:00 am: Wake up to loud honking on the streets. Turn heater back on (it shuts off when the power goes out, which is often) and put on headphones and classical music playlist to go back to sleep.

8:00 am: Wake up. Make some tea or instant coffee with my electric kettle. Shower. Note –  I can only wash my hair at night or on days when I don't have class until the afternoon because it takes so long with my ghetto shower and plastic cup.

9:00 am: Read, Study Chinese. Surf the internet. Work on lesson plans.

11:15 am: Lunch. Try to arrive a bit early to beat out the 2,500 students that literally RUN into the cafeteria. Point at random dishes and pray for something edible with as few bones as possible. Sit down awkwardly at a table and try to make small talk with my Chinese coworkers, most who do not speak English.

* On a side note, yesterday I had lunch with the principal of the school. She speaks very little English but is VERY nice. I only learned that she was the principal towards the end of the meal. We then went for a lovely walk around campus and she took me to her office and fed me chocolates.

12:00 pm: If it's sunny, walk around outside and enjoy the weather and the blatant stares from people.

1:00 – 5:00 pm: Teach class. Sing songs, play Simon Says, mime English words, and generally make a fool out of myself for 40 minute intervals in front of hundreds of Chinese children.

* On Monday I have 3 classes, Tuesday 1, Wednesday 4, and Thursday and Friday, 5 classes.

5:00 pm: Dinner. Basically a repeat of lunch, though I usually get to eat with the other 'village foreigners'. Order using the "point and pray" method.

6:00 pm: Stroll through the village. There's not really a whole lot to do around here so after dinner I usually take a walk around town to check things out. Sometimes I'll visit the supermarket to pick up a diet coke, a beer, or a bottle of China's finest "Great Wall" wine to enjoy with the guys that live next to me.

9:00 pm: Read some more. Skype Mom and Dad. Watch a movie. Go to bed early.

All in all, it's a pretty stress free schedule.

Don’t forget to exercise your eyes.

So everyday at the beginning of my 2:10 class, students have to exercise their eyes. YouTube "Chinese Eye Exercises" for clarification. At the beginning of class, a loudspeaker comes on and the whole school closes their eyes and does a series of "exercises" to a child like voice and some peaceful elevator music. It really caught me off guard the first day… I was just about to introduce myself when the kids take off their glasses and start methodically rubbing their eyes. Hmmm… Now after a few days I just feel a bit awkward sitting there for 5 minutes watching it. There's always a class monitor who gets the enjoyment of walking around the classroom poking any students who aren't participating.

I finally gave in today and asked what they were doing. By massaging the acupuncture points around the eyes, the exercises are designed to increase circulation. Apparently they are said to reduce stress and strain on the eyes. A whopping 76% of elementary students in China are already nearsighted, so I guess this is a measure to try to counteract that… Interesting.

“Oh, by the way, there’s no textbook for this class.”

Surprise! I get to create my own curriculum that will entertain huge classes full of hyperactive 7^th graders for 40 minutes. The foreign language department basically said something to the effect of "You're teaching Spoken English. Go."  It is assumed that because I speak English I will figure it out.

Potential Problems with this situation:

1.    I don't know the level of English of my students or what they have covered in previous oral English courses (or if they have even had previous oral English courses). I'm under the impression that they are all at significantly different levels.

2.    Super large class size eliminates a lot of games.

3.    7^th Graders are easily bored.

4.    I don't really know what I'm doing!?!?!? Ahhhhhh!!!

But no worries. I'll figure it out. I think I'm going to do the human body next week. I will be singing 'Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes' a cappella. It's going to be a beautiful moment. I was also considering doing the Hokey Pokey.

I could really use some help though!! Lesson plan ideas and games to play with 50 kids would be appreciated.