Back to China. Back to Blogging.

Hey blog stalkers! I know I haven't written in ages, but here's what's new with my life lately; I'm heading back to China and I'm starting up this blog again.  I know I may have mentioned some other plans, but hey, plans change and China is awesome.

Here's the deal - new job, new city, new adventures, more blogs. I'll be teaching Kindergarten at an International School in Guangzhou. I'll be blogging more travel adventures, China stories, and random opinions on anything and everything, so follow along for more sarcasm, adventures (and misadventures) for the new year.

XOXO,

Julie

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Scares Me

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge absolutely terrifies me. Not because of the cold water. Not because of the number of idiots knocking themselves out with too heavy buckets, or any other of the number of things that have gone wrong. Not because of the dumping ice on yourself when it’s 95 degrees in the middle of summer is supposed to somehow be a punishment. Not even because I’m annoyed with these videos clogging up my Facebook news feed. (Can’t we just go back to posting cat videos, passive aggressive statements about our feelings, and Instagram photos of our lunches?!?)

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge terrifies me because of the insane popularity of it. Because the sheer amount of people who are doing it “because it’s a good cause.”

There are all kinds of debates happening about the benefits of dumping ice over your head to raise awareness vs. just donating the money. This is not one of those posts. Obviously the dumping of ice over your head, video taping it, then subsequently posting it to social media is effectively raising awareness and money for ALS. That’s awesome. Whoever came up with the idea is brilliant – they have capitalized on the fact that people are absolute lemmings and will do anything “for a good cause”.  I also think it encourages people to donate to charity in general, and I like that.

My apprehension is not with the concept of the Ice Bucket Challenge. My apprehension is not with donating money to ALS. My apprehension is with WHY everyone is suddenly so concerned with ALS and is directing all of their charitable donations to ALS without doing the background research.

What is ALS? What does ALS stand for? Of all the causes you can donate money to, why are you donating to ALS? I’ve asked several people who have participated in the ice bucket challenge these questions and they were unable to answer me.

ALS stands for Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord.  The ALS association estimates around 30,000 Americans suffer from ALS (compared to the 5.2 million Americans who suffer from Alzheimer’s, 25.8 million with diabetes, and the 7.7 million Americans who suffer from PTSD, just to give you some comparisons.) ALS is rare. I’m not saying that ALS isn’t important, and that we shouldn’t spend time and resources looking for better treatment and a cure… I’m just saying that it’s a rare disease. I’m also saying that a lot of these Ice Bucket lemmings didn’t know that. For all they knew, ALS could have stood for Alcoholic Lesbian Society and they are raising money to buy Jack Daniels for lesbians with drinking problems. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I’m just saying, know before you donate. This time it’s ALS. Next time it might not be for something so upstanding. Be informed. Don’t just follow along blindly. It’s a slippery slope.

Some other statistics to consider.

In Africa, a child dies every minute from Malaria. In 2012, an estimated 789,000 people died from Malaria.  MALARIA IS PREVENTABLE AND CUREABLE. Over half a million people are dying every year from a disease we have cured!

780 Million people in this world lack access to clean water. That’s more than 2.5 times the population of the USA. 3.4 Million people die every year from water related sanitation issues.

Between 70 and 100 million sharks are killed each year, causing drastically declining shark populations that significantly affect marine ecosystems and endangering hundreds of species of sharks. This is not good for the ocean. Sharks are a top predator and are vital to the eco-system. The rapid reductions of shark populations disrupts the ocean’s equilibrium and creates a destructive ripple effect, affecting thousands of marine species populations, the level of oxygen in the water, and if left uncontrolled will be devastating.

I could go on and on with other causes that all need your donations, but hopefully you see my point. There are lots of worthy, urgent, and varied causes that different people support for different reasons.

My point is not, “Don’t donate to ALS.” My point is MAKE INFORMED DECISIONS. Research the facts. Consider what is important to you, what is urgently needed in society, and how you can best allocate the money you have for charitable donations.

Think before you act.

When I look at the Ice Bucket challenge I see millions of dollars raised for a good cause (YAY!!) through smart marketing and the use of social media. But I also see Sheeple. People unable to think for themselves. Followers. Lemmings. Those with no cognitive abilities of their own. This is what terrifies me. Thousands of people blindly dumping ice over their heads to support ALS, a disease, a cause they know nothing about, simply because society told them to. Bill Gates, Jimmy Fallon, and Taylor Swift did it so I should too! Cristiano Ronaldo did it in his underwear! *Sexy*

If you’ve analyzed all of your motivations, done your research, and you still want to donate to ALS research, that’s great! It’s a horrible disease that needs a cure and I’m sure your donations are greatly appreciated by the people who suffer from the disease, their families, and the scientists who research the disease.

But don’t just do it because everyone’s doing it.  Do it because you’ve thought about it and you believe it’s the highest and best use of your time and money.

I’m not doing the Ice Bucket Challenge and I’m not donating money to ALS research. I’ve thought about it and I feel my money is better spent elsewhere.

But don’t listen to me. Think for yourself. Pick a cause and do something about it. Make a direct impact by involving your social network and make a difference. If your cause is ALS, that’s great. If it’s Malaria, AIDS, Clean Water, Sex Trafficking, Christian missions in Cambodia, Doctor’s Without Borders, Homelessness, Literacy, Sea Turtle Rehabilitation, … whatever… that’s great too. Dump ice over your head, shave your eyebrows, strip naked and run down Main Street and raise awareness for your cause. Be aggressive. Be creative. But most of all, be informed.

Do it because you’ve thought about it, you understand the cause, and you want to help, not just because it’s the popular thing to do.

I'm Thankful

This week, I’ll be celebrating Thanksgiving from China.  And living in China makes you thankful for all kinds of things that you tend to take for granted as an American.

I'm so thankful to be an American.

I just got done doing some shopping for the mini-Thanksgiving feast that some of the village Americans will be having. (Thanks mom & dad for mailing me some stove-top stuffing and a few packs of gravy!) It’s looking like we are going to have chicken instead of turkey, but hey, when in China... So anyways, while I was shopping, I was thinking about all the things that I have to be thankful for, and I thought I’d share that with you.

I’m thankful…

for my family and friends and dogs.

for western toilets.

for the ability to flush toilet paper.

for food without bones in it.

for variety.

for the opportunity to choose my major in college.

for the freedom to speak my mind.

for the opportunity to live in China. 

for the freedom to attend Church.

for Starbucks.

for the ability to drink water out of the tap without boiling it.

for showers with water pressure.

for the ability to freely access Facebook, YouTube, etc.

for comfortable mattresses.

for traffic laws that are enforced.

for American food.

for the completely awesome experiences I've had this year.

for the ability to afford to eat at a restaurant and own more than two outfits.

Yeah, it can be easy to bash America… because society as a whole is pretty much insane (think “Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore”)… But for as many things as we are doing wrong, there are a lot of things that we are doing right.

We are so freaking blessed to be born in America.

So celebrate.

Love.
Laugh.

Post a message on Facebook.

Watch a video on YouTube.
Praise Jesus. 

Take a nap in your bed that has a comfortable mattress.
Flush your toilet paper.
Be thankful.

Trick or Treat?

Halloween basically doesn't exist in China. Most adults have never heard of it. Only about half of my students knew what it was before this week. The only people in the village who know about and celebrate Halloween are the few American foreigners (there's three of us) and the very young students that attend one of the private English schools in town. And I'm pretty sure they are just enjoying people giving them candy.

In true form, we decided to celebrate Halloween anyways. As luck would have it, the infamous 0513 nightclub was having a "Halloween Party". Translation – maybe a few decorations, special outfits for the employees, but pretty much business as usual.

Except for the foreigners.

I've blogged about being stared at like a celebrity. On a normal day in normal clothes. But it's just not Halloween without a costume.

As luck would have it, a friend brought me a "Sexy Nurse" costume from the States.  (And believe me, the irony that she brought the costume all the way from the USA when it was probably made less than an hour from here is not lost on me.)

So there I was strolling through the village in a nurse costume…  I had a stethoscope, working "syringes" for shots of booze, a cute little nurse hat, and a significant amount of cleavage showing. I must note that this costume would not be considered the least bit scandalous in the USA, but here I was accosted by more than the normal amount of paparazzi.

The point is… we were the only people dressed up. And the commotion we generated was even more amusing than usual.

I think that we have quite a few new fans of Halloween. I'm pretty sure I convinced at least 10 people to dress up next year. As ridiculous as it sounds, our costumes were the starting point for some really interesting conversations. There's nothing like promoting cross-cultural understanding through dressing up like a nurse, sexy zebra, and Sock Monkey.

20 Questions

Kids are hilarious. Not always intentionally, but entertaining none the less. I wish I could remember half the things that some of my students have said to make me laugh. I really need to start writing things down as they happen.

 

This week was a particularly funny week. We were working on asking questions – I decided to play 20 questions with my classes.

 

Here are a few of the best quotes from class this week that I can remember:

 

Is it a superstar? Yes. Is it a woman? Yes. Justin Bieber.

 

Is it an animal? Yes. Can you eat it? No. Can it eat you?

 

Is it an animal? Yes. Is it black? Yes. Obama!!

 

Is it a sport? Yes.  Fuck!  Kid from across the room, "That's not a sport."

           

Is it a person? Yes. Is he sexy? Yes. Kobe Bryant? Yes!! Kid from across the room, "He is not sexy. I am much more sexy than he."

The Mystery of the Long Fingernail

Hi my name is Julie and I used to blog here often. Sorry I've been MIA lately, but nothing worth blogging about has happened. It's life as usual in the village. So instead of a story about something crazy that has happened to me, today I will attempt to answer the age old question, "Why do many Chinese men have one really long pinkie fingernail?"

 

Okay, so I really have no idea, but it is perplexing.

 

Thus, I've done a bit of research via the Internet and person to person interviews and come up with a list of several plausible theories. These theories come from both foreigners and local Chinese. Everyone agrees that the phenomena exists, but nobody really knows why. The evidence was pretty inconclusive.

 

1.    Home-grown cocaine scoop

2.    Booger/ ear-wax scoop

3.    Good luck

4.    Status symbol. In the olden days, long fingernails were a sign of wealth. If you're laboring away in the fields all day, you probably don't have long unbroken fingernails.

 

Personally, I'm thinking it's a good mix of all of the above. If you have any insight, I'd greatly appreciate the feedback.

I Stole Sugarcane Today

Unlicensed food stalls and street vendors are illegal in China.

 

So how do you know which ones are licensed and which ones aren't?

 

Easy. You wait until the police come by. The ones that scatter are unlicensed, and the ones that stay either have a license or aren't worried about being checked. You tend to see people scatter more often in bigger cities but every so often it happens here in the village.

 

Today, on my daily stroll through town, I stopped to buy some sugarcane from a guy with a wheelbarrow full of it. Business was good for him and he was peeling and slicing sugarcane left and right. There were probably about four people waiting when I was there.

 

Just as the man handed me my bag and I was about to hand him my 5 kwai, the police came around the corner and homeboy grabbed his wheelbarrow and took off down the alley at warp speed. Sugarcane was flying everywhere, children were diving out of the way, dogs were barking – it was ridiculous. This dude must have been caught without a license before; usually the escape is not quite so dramatic.

 

So there I stood with my bag of sugarcane that I did not pay for.

 

I felt really bad so I wandered around the area for about 15 minutes to see if the guy would come back, but he never did. I'll have to be on the lookout for him in the future so I can pay him back for my stolen sugarcane.

The Countryside

Today was the first day back from vacation, so I thought that I'd ask the kids what they did during their holiday.

 

"I went to the countryside" – was the overwhelming response. Even most of the adults I asked said they did this.

 

But what exactly happens in the countryside? I HAVE NO IDEA. I literally could not get anyone to expand on what going to the countryside means.

 

Do you visit your family there? Is there some sort of resort or orchard? Are there just thousands of Chinese people standing around in an enormous field? What happens in this mysterious "countryside"?

 

Nobody could tell me. Or maybe nobody was allowed to tell me.

 

The only conclusion I can make is that it is clearly a secret. Foreigners must never learn what happens there.

A Foreigners Guide To Living in China.

I was asked to write an article about living in China by my school for a country wide competition… Here's my submission:

 

China is an amazing place. It is without a doubt one of the coolest, most interesting, and historically fascinating countries on earth. I could go on and on with the superlatives, but I'll leave it up to you to come up with your own way of describing China – everyone's experience is different.

 

That being said, life in China is markedly different from life in the USA. Everyday things like going to the supermarket, eating dinner, and paying for your cell phone can become totally incomprehensible and overwhelming if you don't know what to expect.

 

Here are a few helpful tips that will ease your transition into life here.

 

You will be a celebrity – embrace it. If you resemble anything but a native Chinese person, get ready to stand out. If you happen to be blonde haired and blue eyed like myself the difference is even more evident.

 

Everyone will acknowledge you wherever you go. Children will point and laugh. Grown men will say "Hello!" and then run away giggling when you say hello back. People will be curious as to what you are ordering for dinner or buying at the supermarket. They will stare. I love it, but it's been known to annoy some.

 

People will also take your picture. This may be done blatantly or discretely depending on the personality of the photographer. The brave people will ask for a photo with you! I've posed for family portraits and been asked to hold babies and pets. What people are doing with these pictures I have yet to discover. If you find out, let me know.

 

You will know you have gotten used to your fame and to life in China when you begin to stare at the foreign tourists just as much as the locals do.

 

Forget everything you know about Chinese food. Real Chinese food is even better than you can imagine. Real Chinese food varies from city to city, but it is always delicious. As a foreigner, you won't recognize 95% of the things you eat, but don't let that stop you from shoveling it in as fast as your chopsticks can go. Chinese chefs can turn simple things like cucumbers, tomatoes, and eggs into a delicious meal. And eating out is much cheaper and easier than attempting to cook for yourself. Come ready to eat.

 

Make Chinese friends. Chinese friends are the best. Seriously. They are kind, loyal, and amazingly helpful. They will keep you from making any serious cultural faux pas and help you learn about real Chinese culture. My favorite memories of China so far are of chilling with my amazing new friends.

 

It's also nice to have someone that won't get offended and will only laugh at you a little bit when you ask about something strange or obvious.

 

Come prepared to travel. China is a massive country with a million awesome things to see. There's no better way to get to know the locals than by bonding on an eighteen-hour train ride. Each province has it's own unique food, fascinating history, and wonderful people to discover.

 

I've climbed the Great Wall and hiked through the Stone Forest. I've eaten fried scorpions in Beijing and Hot Pot in Chengdu. I've seen the Impressions West Lake performance and the Sichuan Opera. I've visited thousand year old water villages. I've cuddled a Giant Panda. I've met wonderful people and made great friends in each city I visited.

 

You could spend a year traveling from place to place and still not be able to experience all that China has to offer.

 

Enjoy every second of your time here. It's impossible to summarize China in any neat way – it's so enormous and diverse and your experiences will vary from day to day and city to city. I'll sum it up by saying – If you are thinking about coming to China; do it! You won't regret it for a second.

I Freaking Love China!

I was going to have a quiet Monday evening. So how did I end up in 0513, the only nightclub in the village, being forced to chug beer as hundreds of people belt out the Chinese national anthem?

 

Excellent question. Things really escalated quickly.

 

What started out as a leisurely stroll around the village with my friend Sky turned into a rowdy National Day celebration at 0513… There are really no words that can accurately depict the events of that fateful eve.

 

It still seems quite surreal.

 

I cooked myself dinner. I went for a walk with Sky. We bought some pomegranates. We stopped to eat our pomegranates and watch one of the best firework displays I've ever seen. We got dragged to the club by a stampede of celebrants wanting to hang with the laowai.

 

I enter the nightclub via the usual red carpet. At the end of the red carpet is a HUGE photo of Chairman Mao that you must cross to get in. Every inch of the club is covered with a Chinese flag or a poster declaring, "The Diaoyu Islands belong to China!" The employees are sporting China owns the Diaoyu Islands shirts.

 

There was a lull in the chaos as we settled into the club. I played dice games with some friends. I danced to Flo Rida. I sipped a beer.

 

The lights go out. Three club girls march out in slutty military uniforms and proceed to do a provocative dance to the Chinese national anthem. The crowd starts getting pumped. A man in white jeans, a black turtleneck, and a glittery vest comes on stage to sing a song in Chinese. The fog machine shrouds the stage with mist. Strobe lights pulse. The crowd goes wild and starts buying him drinks to chug – I somehow get roped into chugging a beer with him. Everyone likes to see the foreigner drink.

 

Five random men are chosen from the crowd. It's a contest to see who can tear the most Japanese flags the fastest. The bartender starts doing a fire-breathing thing with some alcohol. People start burning Japanese flags. There is more chanting. I am "strongly encouraged" to chug another beer with the owner of the club.

 

The energy in the club was incredible. I can't even describe how entertaining it was to witness this awesome display of patriotism and celebration. It is moments and nights like this one where I can't believe how blessed I am to be experiencing life in another country.

 

I left the club laughing and saying, "I freaking love China!"

Moon Cake Roulette

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! Today is National Day in China. There is a week long break from school and the village is bustling with activity. People have been launching fireworks non-stop since 7 am.

 

This is not an exaggeration. I've timed it.

 

The longest stretch of time that I couldn't hear fireworks so far today has been 22 minutes. And while I applaud this display of enthusiastic patriotism, I fear that I will never understand the point of launching fireworks during the day. You can't see them!?!?! Also, the random explosions scare the crap out of me.

 

I'll just add this to the list of things that will forever baffle me about China.

 

Besides the time off work, the coolest part of this holiday is the abundance of (mostly) delicious moon cakes – basically a little round pastry consisting of a pie-crust like exterior and some type of mystery filling.

 

I was gifted an assorted box by my school, and several random moon cakes from my students. Most of them are delicious, however, there have been a few malevolent surprises.

 

There is nothing more terrifying than the first bite into a moon cake.

 

Really. You don't know if you're going to get something delicious and fruity or something horrifying and unidentifiable. I call it "moon cake roulette"…

 

So far my luck has been decent. I've only needed to spit out a few bites. Thankfully my students realize that foreigners are partial to the more non-traditional flavors (think fruit and chocolate) as opposed to some of the fermented bean paste and unidentifiable substance filled cakes.

 

I have about 12 cakes left to try. Wish me luck.

The Spice Girls Concert

Have you ever done that thing where you forget that you have your iPod in and other people can hear you so you sing out loud and embarrass yourself?

 

I did that today. (Actually I do that a lot). And while I very much enjoy singing, I do not have a particular talent for it.  Tone-deaf is the word you're looking for.

 

Have I also mentioned that people here stare at me when I walk down the street? Singing aloud in English really doesn't help me blend on the streets of the village.

 

Yeah.

 

So I'm walking down the street singing 2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls and I'm overheard by a group of students. Great!

 

"Julie! You sing beautiful! What a lovely song!" "Yes! So beautiful! Like you!" "Please sing a song in class!"

 

Apparently I'm unable to resist the pleading of adorable Chinese teenagers who worship me.

And that's the story of how I ended up singing Spice Girls a cappella in front of fifty students.