20 Questions

Kids are hilarious. Not always intentionally, but entertaining none the less. I wish I could remember half the things that some of my students have said to make me laugh. I really need to start writing things down as they happen.

 

This week was a particularly funny week. We were working on asking questions – I decided to play 20 questions with my classes.

 

Here are a few of the best quotes from class this week that I can remember:

 

Is it a superstar? Yes. Is it a woman? Yes. Justin Bieber.

 

Is it an animal? Yes. Can you eat it? No. Can it eat you?

 

Is it an animal? Yes. Is it black? Yes. Obama!!

 

Is it a sport? Yes.  Fuck!  Kid from across the room, "That's not a sport."

           

Is it a person? Yes. Is he sexy? Yes. Kobe Bryant? Yes!! Kid from across the room, "He is not sexy. I am much more sexy than he."

The Mystery of the Long Fingernail

Hi my name is Julie and I used to blog here often. Sorry I've been MIA lately, but nothing worth blogging about has happened. It's life as usual in the village. So instead of a story about something crazy that has happened to me, today I will attempt to answer the age old question, "Why do many Chinese men have one really long pinkie fingernail?"

 

Okay, so I really have no idea, but it is perplexing.

 

Thus, I've done a bit of research via the Internet and person to person interviews and come up with a list of several plausible theories. These theories come from both foreigners and local Chinese. Everyone agrees that the phenomena exists, but nobody really knows why. The evidence was pretty inconclusive.

 

1.    Home-grown cocaine scoop

2.    Booger/ ear-wax scoop

3.    Good luck

4.    Status symbol. In the olden days, long fingernails were a sign of wealth. If you're laboring away in the fields all day, you probably don't have long unbroken fingernails.

 

Personally, I'm thinking it's a good mix of all of the above. If you have any insight, I'd greatly appreciate the feedback.

I Stole Sugarcane Today

Unlicensed food stalls and street vendors are illegal in China.

 

So how do you know which ones are licensed and which ones aren't?

 

Easy. You wait until the police come by. The ones that scatter are unlicensed, and the ones that stay either have a license or aren't worried about being checked. You tend to see people scatter more often in bigger cities but every so often it happens here in the village.

 

Today, on my daily stroll through town, I stopped to buy some sugarcane from a guy with a wheelbarrow full of it. Business was good for him and he was peeling and slicing sugarcane left and right. There were probably about four people waiting when I was there.

 

Just as the man handed me my bag and I was about to hand him my 5 kwai, the police came around the corner and homeboy grabbed his wheelbarrow and took off down the alley at warp speed. Sugarcane was flying everywhere, children were diving out of the way, dogs were barking – it was ridiculous. This dude must have been caught without a license before; usually the escape is not quite so dramatic.

 

So there I stood with my bag of sugarcane that I did not pay for.

 

I felt really bad so I wandered around the area for about 15 minutes to see if the guy would come back, but he never did. I'll have to be on the lookout for him in the future so I can pay him back for my stolen sugarcane.

The Countryside

Today was the first day back from vacation, so I thought that I'd ask the kids what they did during their holiday.

 

"I went to the countryside" – was the overwhelming response. Even most of the adults I asked said they did this.

 

But what exactly happens in the countryside? I HAVE NO IDEA. I literally could not get anyone to expand on what going to the countryside means.

 

Do you visit your family there? Is there some sort of resort or orchard? Are there just thousands of Chinese people standing around in an enormous field? What happens in this mysterious "countryside"?

 

Nobody could tell me. Or maybe nobody was allowed to tell me.

 

The only conclusion I can make is that it is clearly a secret. Foreigners must never learn what happens there.

A Foreigners Guide To Living in China.

I was asked to write an article about living in China by my school for a country wide competition… Here's my submission:

 

China is an amazing place. It is without a doubt one of the coolest, most interesting, and historically fascinating countries on earth. I could go on and on with the superlatives, but I'll leave it up to you to come up with your own way of describing China – everyone's experience is different.

 

That being said, life in China is markedly different from life in the USA. Everyday things like going to the supermarket, eating dinner, and paying for your cell phone can become totally incomprehensible and overwhelming if you don't know what to expect.

 

Here are a few helpful tips that will ease your transition into life here.

 

You will be a celebrity – embrace it. If you resemble anything but a native Chinese person, get ready to stand out. If you happen to be blonde haired and blue eyed like myself the difference is even more evident.

 

Everyone will acknowledge you wherever you go. Children will point and laugh. Grown men will say "Hello!" and then run away giggling when you say hello back. People will be curious as to what you are ordering for dinner or buying at the supermarket. They will stare. I love it, but it's been known to annoy some.

 

People will also take your picture. This may be done blatantly or discretely depending on the personality of the photographer. The brave people will ask for a photo with you! I've posed for family portraits and been asked to hold babies and pets. What people are doing with these pictures I have yet to discover. If you find out, let me know.

 

You will know you have gotten used to your fame and to life in China when you begin to stare at the foreign tourists just as much as the locals do.

 

Forget everything you know about Chinese food. Real Chinese food is even better than you can imagine. Real Chinese food varies from city to city, but it is always delicious. As a foreigner, you won't recognize 95% of the things you eat, but don't let that stop you from shoveling it in as fast as your chopsticks can go. Chinese chefs can turn simple things like cucumbers, tomatoes, and eggs into a delicious meal. And eating out is much cheaper and easier than attempting to cook for yourself. Come ready to eat.

 

Make Chinese friends. Chinese friends are the best. Seriously. They are kind, loyal, and amazingly helpful. They will keep you from making any serious cultural faux pas and help you learn about real Chinese culture. My favorite memories of China so far are of chilling with my amazing new friends.

 

It's also nice to have someone that won't get offended and will only laugh at you a little bit when you ask about something strange or obvious.

 

Come prepared to travel. China is a massive country with a million awesome things to see. There's no better way to get to know the locals than by bonding on an eighteen-hour train ride. Each province has it's own unique food, fascinating history, and wonderful people to discover.

 

I've climbed the Great Wall and hiked through the Stone Forest. I've eaten fried scorpions in Beijing and Hot Pot in Chengdu. I've seen the Impressions West Lake performance and the Sichuan Opera. I've visited thousand year old water villages. I've cuddled a Giant Panda. I've met wonderful people and made great friends in each city I visited.

 

You could spend a year traveling from place to place and still not be able to experience all that China has to offer.

 

Enjoy every second of your time here. It's impossible to summarize China in any neat way – it's so enormous and diverse and your experiences will vary from day to day and city to city. I'll sum it up by saying – If you are thinking about coming to China; do it! You won't regret it for a second.

I Freaking Love China!

I was going to have a quiet Monday evening. So how did I end up in 0513, the only nightclub in the village, being forced to chug beer as hundreds of people belt out the Chinese national anthem?

 

Excellent question. Things really escalated quickly.

 

What started out as a leisurely stroll around the village with my friend Sky turned into a rowdy National Day celebration at 0513… There are really no words that can accurately depict the events of that fateful eve.

 

It still seems quite surreal.

 

I cooked myself dinner. I went for a walk with Sky. We bought some pomegranates. We stopped to eat our pomegranates and watch one of the best firework displays I've ever seen. We got dragged to the club by a stampede of celebrants wanting to hang with the laowai.

 

I enter the nightclub via the usual red carpet. At the end of the red carpet is a HUGE photo of Chairman Mao that you must cross to get in. Every inch of the club is covered with a Chinese flag or a poster declaring, "The Diaoyu Islands belong to China!" The employees are sporting China owns the Diaoyu Islands shirts.

 

There was a lull in the chaos as we settled into the club. I played dice games with some friends. I danced to Flo Rida. I sipped a beer.

 

The lights go out. Three club girls march out in slutty military uniforms and proceed to do a provocative dance to the Chinese national anthem. The crowd starts getting pumped. A man in white jeans, a black turtleneck, and a glittery vest comes on stage to sing a song in Chinese. The fog machine shrouds the stage with mist. Strobe lights pulse. The crowd goes wild and starts buying him drinks to chug – I somehow get roped into chugging a beer with him. Everyone likes to see the foreigner drink.

 

Five random men are chosen from the crowd. It's a contest to see who can tear the most Japanese flags the fastest. The bartender starts doing a fire-breathing thing with some alcohol. People start burning Japanese flags. There is more chanting. I am "strongly encouraged" to chug another beer with the owner of the club.

 

The energy in the club was incredible. I can't even describe how entertaining it was to witness this awesome display of patriotism and celebration. It is moments and nights like this one where I can't believe how blessed I am to be experiencing life in another country.

 

I left the club laughing and saying, "I freaking love China!"